He said,She said

     A beloved (Married) gentleman in my life once told me to find a guy I thought I would be interested in, go up to him at a homeschooling conference we were at and inform him he looked like my first husband. When he bit and responded with asking how many times I'd been married, inform him that I hadn't ever been married and smile sweetly.

I was mortified. And there was no way I was going to be caught dead doing such a thing!

     Because of this,  I was still quite single for 6 more years…and since getting into my first real relationship and learning another males thoughts, I was very quickly realizing that we had slightly different ways of thinking. I know! Surprise, surprise!

     After James and I were engaged and very close to getting married, I was telling him about the above situation and laughingly said " Can you believe that???"… His response shocked me. He said if I had done that with him instead of quietly watching him talk to other people, I would've had him the first day and not the 3 weeks it took for me to build the guts to really talk to him. I was floored and asked him to explain.

     He began to show me that Men in the Christian world want a Godly girl, want to be the leader and pursuer but they want to know the Girl is actually interested before putting their hearts on the line. Guys aren't stupid and totally get when a girl is interested and if they are interested back, it's a win-win! I began to think back over the last 10 years in my life and realized a few things… How often do you take the time to slow down and notice the people around you?

     I experimented with myself one day and instead of zooming through Walmart like I normally did, I slowed down, meandered through the store, took time to smile at people…And BAM! People smiled back!They even took a second to talk to me and ask questions or just ask how I was doing… Now in life, for those of us with a heart for marriage and the desire to serve the Lord in that way, are we showing that? Or are we in fact just rushing through life, possibly zooming past people that might be good and Godly mates because we have our own agenda or a false sense of what romance is…

     After James and I really were getting close, I had to realize he didn't just fall in love with me the second he met me! Girls tend to have an ideal, a dream, where the guy walks in and magically knows all about us and falls in love with us all in the same second that we catch each others eyes! Realistic, hardly! But we do it anyway. I even had to hear he thought all my pictures on Facebook weren't flattering and weird. LOL…Wow, I wanted to shut it down FOREVER! What a way to burst my bubble on what I thought were tons of cute pictures;)

     But what it all came down to was this: James fell in love with my family first. He knew that if he was married to me, he was also linked to them and that I would have picked up some of their traits. Did he have similar beliefs, standards and goals? Did he enjoy spending time with them?

     Also, while not NECESSARY (so many say), was there a level of attraction? Marriage is all about falling in love over and over again with the same person:) You want to think they're cute or this might be ALOT harder;)

If your goals truly are marriage:

     Are you as men preparing to have a wife?

     Are you striving to earn the money needed in starting your new little family? Will you need health insurance to cover possible health issues? Do you have a car and a roof over your head? Are you daily walking with the Lord and striving daily to please Him more in your words and actions? Are you training yourself to be a Godly leader, with a balanced sense of leading/submission? Are you showing a respect for the women in your life ( Mothers, sisters and friends) so the girl in prospect can see for herself that you will be honorable to her? Do you talk freely and proudly about past relationships or do you respect this person enough to show that while you had been in past relationships, they truly are past and you are only intent on moving forward? Are you keeping your eyes for her alone or are they roaming to other girls around you or possibly online?

     One note to the guys out there…When you look at other girls and "your" girl is standing there, she knows what you are thinking and will instantly compare herself to every woman you look at. It will shake her belief that you want her and her alone and leave her with feelings that one day she may not be enough.

     As woman are you aiming to be the best you can be for God? Daily dressing in a way to promote your future/current husbands masculinity and your feminine qualities? Are you preparing yourself to be a capable companion and help meet in areas such as cooking, cleaning, food prep and child care? Have you given your body and heart to the Lord freely to do with as He pleases in regards to family and Godly roles in marriage? Are you willing to live within a strict budget your first few years of marriage( Or possibly all of it) as your husband builds your home? Are you spending to much time with friends and chasing your own dreams and goals that you can't settle down when God does bring along your life partner? Are you loyal and able to keep things that your husband tells you close to home, or do you like to gossip and not honor him and others in that way? Are you striving daily to go to the Lord in prayer and read His word, drawing closer to Him? Are you comfortable now relying on God for your emotional needs or do you cling to the other imperfect humans around you to fulfill those needs?

     Girls, just as guys need to know how detrimental wandering eyes can be to us, you need to realize that your man needs your honor and respect. He needs to know you believe in Him and will stand by him no matter what. Any man can conquer the highest mountain if his woman believes he can do it. If you don't have that man in your life yet, have you been practicing on those around you? Are you showing honor and respect to your dads? Are you encouraging your brothers in their dreams and goals, pushing them towards Godliness? Don't just think it like I did…Be verbal and tell them, write them notes of encouragement, even if just little notes on the mirrors or in lunch pails:)

 What all this boils down to is this:

A) Don't be afraid to show that you are available to Godly counterparts, while respectfully staying in your roles ( Man being the leader and woman being the follower ).

B) Strive always to be perfecting yourself for the glory of God, and realize that when God has your partner ready, He will bring them along.

C) Wisely listen to people who speak into your life to make sure you are staying the course and don't be trodden down with peoples claims that you are desperate and crazy because you want to be married. It's a beautiful thing and a Godly thing. Only listen to those who have been beside you through the good and the bad and have continued to give Godly advice.The others take with a grain of salt.

D) If you want to be married, strive to be the best Man/Woman you can be while waiting…Makes coming together so much easier later on!

E) Rest in the Lord and know His ways are ALWAYS higher than our ways!

F) Don't be so prideful ( As I was ) to think you can find the perfect mate on your own…Sometimes God uses friends around us to bring us to the perfect person…

But that^^^is a story for another day ;)

Much Love~

Jess~