Lessons learned in my own four walls:::Who says home schooling is just for kids?!

I have officially celebrated a year of marriage! Where has the time gone?! I still quite fondly and vividly remember courting my love, and the moments of waiting (Rather impatiently, let's be honest) til the big day I could finally yell at all the other girls that he was mine<3

I wouldn't take back one moment of learning, loving and growing together that we have had.

Good and bad, they have all worked together to bring us closer together, even if it took longer some days;)

So, what are the lessons I have learned over the last year in my own home?!

1) Your husband is entirely perfect until 10 months of marriage. After that you're pretty sure he's down to 95% perfect;) 

2) Stuff breaks. Money runs away. Learn to smile through the trials and not let them stress you out more than needs to be.

3) Love on that man. There will be days you want/need a hug, lovings or just a went timed kiss, and yet in walks a tired Hubby, with no desire to do anything but take a nap, or watch a movie. Realize you both have needs and learn to fulfill yours by ministering to his<3 It's not always easy at first, but it's totally worth it.

4) Don't go to bed angry or upset if you can possibly help it. We promised each other before we got married that we wouldn't do this, and had already broken it pretty early on. Thankfully the times are few and far between. Our pride isn't worth sleeping alone on one side of the bed. There is nothing better at the end of the day, especially a rough one, than being curled up in your lovers arms.

5) Don't forget the little love notes on mirrors or in lunches. If you are feeling tired and worn down, more than likely your Hubby is too! You will feel more loved the more you love others, so keep up those happy texts and love notes. You will never regret the few seconds it takes to make it happen<3

6) Try to keep the house mostly clean and some sort of a meal on the table….Ahh, meal planning is my nemesis….we really don't like each other. The more I try to bond with her the more she laughs at me.

But, already having everything done and ready when he gets home so you can put your full attention  on him makes it all worthwhile. 

7) Make sure to find out what is truly important to him and be considerate of his thoughts and wants.

Are you expecting? Does he want to be at the appointments? Does he care if just the two of you go to find out the gender, or if you include family? 

7A) Don't take his interest in your health as a personal slam…Being diabetic I can get defensive when my levels are off a little bit and he sees this, because the first thing he wants to know is what I ate, why I ate it and am I going to do it again. This is a hard light to be seen under, but especially being pregnant, it is a necessary one. See his concern for what it is. Loving care for you and his unborn child.

Feel loved, even if it's tough;)

8) Don't. Be. So. Sensitive.

I really thought guys cared more about my feelings. lol. Some days they realllllly do! And it's wonderful! Now, remember that and give them space on the days they are more involved with their own stresses. You generally are their first priority, it just may not seem that way to you. We as girls see them all caught up in work, and get ruffled cause they don't want time with us. They see it as trying to provide the best they can and needing to get all that stuff done in order to spend QUALITY time with you, free from work responsibilities.

9) Forgive. No matter what it is, no matter how right you were or wrong. Forgive and FORGET. 

No matter if he SHOULD have remembered, he didn't. So pay him back by never letting him forget it? Or make up and be happy curled up in your sweethearts arms? Which would you prefer?

Also, would you want to come home to a man always nagging about your mistakes in the past? Than treat him as you would like to be treated:) Greet him with arms wide open and full of love.

10) Always remember that while you love your husband to the ends of the earth and back, you are in fact still doing everything to serve the Lord. "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not unto men" Colossians 3:23… Man kind in general will ALWAYS fail us, even the Love of our lives, but our precious Lord and Savior never will. 

11) Pray without ceasing. No matter what you are going through, always pour your heart out to the Great I Am. The peace that comes with humbling yourself and pouring out your heart to a mighty God is beyond words. Every time Jimmy and I have ever dealt with an issue and my heart was torn and my emotions crazy, I didn't have peace until the Lord and I had an hour or so alone. During that time God showed me how to be the best wife, how to stay true to my convictions while honoring my husband, how to wisely handle situations that might be looming in my path. I have always left these sessions feeling whole, ready and armed for the next day and full of peace. Now, chances are, you will be right back for more the next morning;) Have you ever heard of a soldier who only needed one hour of sleep to prepare for a week long battle? No, so don't expect to hold up to that yourself either. Constantly draw from our Saviors strength.

I am praying for you all and I always appreciate your prayers as well, as we all travel down the road of life<3 Thankful for the brothers and sisters who are there to encourage and lift up those around them<3 

Praying always to be a wife that brings my Husband Honor and my God Glory<3

In His name,

Jess~

Honorable Leaders

I've been trying to figure out what to write on next, and especially to the men as I tend to go towards women in general:) The Lord laid on my heart the topic of Keeping your word.

We live in a world of technology and virtually no trust…You have to sign everything because no one believes that when you say you will do something that it will actually get done!

What a sad thing to consider when you think back only a few years ago and see that major things were done, all because of honoring your word.( Buying property, taking care of a friends widow, etc…)

Men, in relationships, honoring your word can be extremely hard, especially before marriage…

And yet, it is vitally important. It not only shows the woman you are with that you are honorable in general but also to her. It is also showing honor to God… In 1 John 2:5 it says: "But whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him:"

If you say you love her and will spend the rest of your life with her, don't one day turn around and say no, you aren't what I want and walk away….Don't say those things til you know you are going no where...

We can show the world about our GOD because we are honorable to our words….Now, what is it showing when we aren't? Are we showing God honor and glory when we say we will do something and then don't?

Men, no matter how you court or date, make sure you are being honorable and keeping your word no matter what. Guard your words.

Lately I'm hearing of many men saying they will do all these things for "their woman"…Marry them, take care of them, and talk of dreams for their future together…Only to walk away. This is not acceptable nor does it bring Christ glory.

Now, if of course after seeing things in the relationship that might not be healthy, then you can break it off and still maintain honor. Sitting the other person down and talking through it…Try working through the things…Telling someone you are dating/courting that you are doing so with the intent on marriage is almost as binding as getting married, just without the vows. You are asking someone to believe that you will not walk away, and that you will be there for them in the long run. No you aren't married, but you training yourself to either stay for your future companion or live a life full of divorce and running away.

Sigh* So much can be said on this topic, but I think you get the idea.

In all areas: work, love, life and family…Keep your word. Be honorable in your actions. Follow through when you've made a promise.

Don't leave someone feeling like you are a lowlife and thereby taking away glory from your God.

Men and women alike, strive always to stick by your promises…

Deut: 23:23: "You shall be careful to do what has passed your lips, for you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth."

Praying for you all always!!!

When life gets to big...

Sometimes life is bigger than us. Sometimes just getting up in the morning is hard. Hard to breathe, hard to talk and way harder to accomplish the smallest of things.

During this time, strive to take it all to God. Our significant others can't handle our weight, as they have weights of their own. But our God, He can handle ANYTHING.

At times, my heart breaks when I hear of other brothers and sisters struggles. I want to let my mind wonder as to why God is putting them through this, why would He allow it to happen? Why would He allow this brother/sister to feel so much pain?

But a few things to remember:

1) God doesn't ask us to walk alone: "And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs of with Christ; if so be that we suffer with Him, that we may be glorified together." Romans 8:17

2) He PROMISES suffering : "Yea, and all that will live Godly in Christ Jesus SHALL suffer persecution." 2 Tim. 3:12

3) He tells us He allows things to bring Him glory: "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

4) He sends us help: "Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: For we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And He that searcheth the hearts koweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:26-27

5) He assures us that it will work together for good: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

As you go through trials, it's never easy. Lay it on the Lord. Praise Him in this storm.

Know He is beside you every step of the way.

Pray for others you know are struggling. 

Don't take out the stress on your Man/Woman. 

Love them and thank God for them<3 You don't have to go through this struggle alone<3

Praise you in this storm lyrics:

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Creative Imaginings and Stress...

Women. They are the most creative creatures in the world! Give them a little paint and ribbon and they can decorate a baby room like it's no ones business!!! 

This incredible skill is priceless when forming your home, helping with your parents house or ministering to other families in need and creating awesome and cheap dates!!! This skill, however, not so great in some parts of marriage.

Men: One thing you should know right here…If You are tired and quiet, we think it's us. Every time.

Once we've asked is somethings wrong and you've said no, but given no explanation, our ever so creative brains have come up with at least 100 reasons as to why you could be upset, namely at us!

Mostly ranging from simi-normal ( Did his lunch I made him taste bad?!?!) to extreme ( Am I not satisfying his needs and he is looking for someone else?!) to down right unbelievable! ( Did an evil witch poison his food because she saw how happy we were and just couldn't handle it anymore?)

Ok, ok the last one was more far fetched than normal, but I think you get the general idea…;)

Basically, let me help you avoid a few arguments and those horrid tears:

Men: A simple "hey, I'm tired and crabby and it's not you" will probably work fantastic. My hubby started picking this up recently when he got tired of me always thinking I had done something and all it was was he was tired and needed coffee! Now, some women think logically and know what is making you out of it…But generally speaking our emotions get in the way and we still default to our silly imaginations! So tell us anyway;)

Women: Take a chill pill;) Know that if your hubby had a long weekend, and it is now Monday night and you can't figure out why he's out of it, he's probably tired:D Try not to ask to many times if you've done something, as that can annoy more than anything and if he answered and told you you didn't…Believe him and just enjoy knowing you're off the hook this time;)

Now, for another one I have been learning this week…

Stress: a physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation

Some times we do not realize the stress we put on ourselves or that we are even under any, until one day we are having physical issues that don't make sense.

Over the last 2 months, I have been having struggles with my blood sugar levels being whacked out, and I assumed it was purely hormonal and from the miscarriage. 

However, God sent a sweet angel to answer some of my questions, and one of her main points was to make sure I wasn't stressed. I thought she was insane, until I looked at myself and realized the stress I was putting myself under to get my levels under control.

Once I could see it for what it was, it released me to be able to eat better and my levels have been perfect.

Don't allow stress to ruin your health.

Also;)

Don't allow your emotions to ruin your relationship.

Gals especially, going back to the silly imaginings, Men are wonderful creatures. Their simple and deep love is the most amazing and fulfilling thing a woman can ever have. It brings a joy , peace and contentment that few things ever will be able to come close to competing with.

And at times, we push it away because we've let our thoughts get ahead of us…

"Why is he doing that? Does he not care about me?"

" If he truly loved me, wouldn't he occasionally bring me flowers or something sweet?"

"I always give him a back rub but never seem to get one back…I wonder if he thinks I'm fat?"

It would be nice if he could put the clothes in the washer just ONCE!"

Ok, you get the idea…Simple little thoughts like these can ruin your ever after happiness! Don't allow our little shows of selfishness come out and put stress in your relationship.

Take your fears and thoughts to the Lord. Your husband can never even come close to fulfilling those needs like your God and creator of your heart. Pray often.

Maybe find a journal and write your thoughts out. See how your heart thoughts look on paper and if your heart is really in the right place. Don't just take all your thoughts to friends and than run a great chance of dishonoring the Man/woman in your life.

If you want a back rub, tell him plainly. Excluding the smarty pants part of " Since I always give you one, don't you think you could do the same?"

Really?! How often do we do this!? And how often does it end well!?

I have learned ( And will continue learning and relearning until my dying day) to put myself in his shoes and gauge my reaction to what I would've just said. None of us would've liked it…

How about " Hey Baby, I would love a back rub! Do you mind taking a few minutes for me?"

You never know how much sweeter that back rub might be;)

If you aren't in a relationship yet, practice on your family! They will notice the difference and be grateful for it, and you will be much further along the path than I am once you get married:D

It all boils down to Colossians 3:23

And whatsoever you do, do it heartily. As to the Lord and not unto men.

Love you all<3

He said,She said

     A beloved (Married) gentleman in my life once told me to find a guy I thought I would be interested in, go up to him at a homeschooling conference we were at and inform him he looked like my first husband. When he bit and responded with asking how many times I'd been married, inform him that I hadn't ever been married and smile sweetly.

I was mortified. And there was no way I was going to be caught dead doing such a thing!

     Because of this,  I was still quite single for 6 more years…and since getting into my first real relationship and learning another males thoughts, I was very quickly realizing that we had slightly different ways of thinking. I know! Surprise, surprise!

     After James and I were engaged and very close to getting married, I was telling him about the above situation and laughingly said " Can you believe that???"… His response shocked me. He said if I had done that with him instead of quietly watching him talk to other people, I would've had him the first day and not the 3 weeks it took for me to build the guts to really talk to him. I was floored and asked him to explain.

     He began to show me that Men in the Christian world want a Godly girl, want to be the leader and pursuer but they want to know the Girl is actually interested before putting their hearts on the line. Guys aren't stupid and totally get when a girl is interested and if they are interested back, it's a win-win! I began to think back over the last 10 years in my life and realized a few things… How often do you take the time to slow down and notice the people around you?

     I experimented with myself one day and instead of zooming through Walmart like I normally did, I slowed down, meandered through the store, took time to smile at people…And BAM! People smiled back!They even took a second to talk to me and ask questions or just ask how I was doing… Now in life, for those of us with a heart for marriage and the desire to serve the Lord in that way, are we showing that? Or are we in fact just rushing through life, possibly zooming past people that might be good and Godly mates because we have our own agenda or a false sense of what romance is…

     After James and I really were getting close, I had to realize he didn't just fall in love with me the second he met me! Girls tend to have an ideal, a dream, where the guy walks in and magically knows all about us and falls in love with us all in the same second that we catch each others eyes! Realistic, hardly! But we do it anyway. I even had to hear he thought all my pictures on Facebook weren't flattering and weird. LOL…Wow, I wanted to shut it down FOREVER! What a way to burst my bubble on what I thought were tons of cute pictures;)

     But what it all came down to was this: James fell in love with my family first. He knew that if he was married to me, he was also linked to them and that I would have picked up some of their traits. Did he have similar beliefs, standards and goals? Did he enjoy spending time with them?

     Also, while not NECESSARY (so many say), was there a level of attraction? Marriage is all about falling in love over and over again with the same person:) You want to think they're cute or this might be ALOT harder;)

If your goals truly are marriage:

     Are you as men preparing to have a wife?

     Are you striving to earn the money needed in starting your new little family? Will you need health insurance to cover possible health issues? Do you have a car and a roof over your head? Are you daily walking with the Lord and striving daily to please Him more in your words and actions? Are you training yourself to be a Godly leader, with a balanced sense of leading/submission? Are you showing a respect for the women in your life ( Mothers, sisters and friends) so the girl in prospect can see for herself that you will be honorable to her? Do you talk freely and proudly about past relationships or do you respect this person enough to show that while you had been in past relationships, they truly are past and you are only intent on moving forward? Are you keeping your eyes for her alone or are they roaming to other girls around you or possibly online?

     One note to the guys out there…When you look at other girls and "your" girl is standing there, she knows what you are thinking and will instantly compare herself to every woman you look at. It will shake her belief that you want her and her alone and leave her with feelings that one day she may not be enough.

     As woman are you aiming to be the best you can be for God? Daily dressing in a way to promote your future/current husbands masculinity and your feminine qualities? Are you preparing yourself to be a capable companion and help meet in areas such as cooking, cleaning, food prep and child care? Have you given your body and heart to the Lord freely to do with as He pleases in regards to family and Godly roles in marriage? Are you willing to live within a strict budget your first few years of marriage( Or possibly all of it) as your husband builds your home? Are you spending to much time with friends and chasing your own dreams and goals that you can't settle down when God does bring along your life partner? Are you loyal and able to keep things that your husband tells you close to home, or do you like to gossip and not honor him and others in that way? Are you striving daily to go to the Lord in prayer and read His word, drawing closer to Him? Are you comfortable now relying on God for your emotional needs or do you cling to the other imperfect humans around you to fulfill those needs?

     Girls, just as guys need to know how detrimental wandering eyes can be to us, you need to realize that your man needs your honor and respect. He needs to know you believe in Him and will stand by him no matter what. Any man can conquer the highest mountain if his woman believes he can do it. If you don't have that man in your life yet, have you been practicing on those around you? Are you showing honor and respect to your dads? Are you encouraging your brothers in their dreams and goals, pushing them towards Godliness? Don't just think it like I did…Be verbal and tell them, write them notes of encouragement, even if just little notes on the mirrors or in lunch pails:)

 What all this boils down to is this:

A) Don't be afraid to show that you are available to Godly counterparts, while respectfully staying in your roles ( Man being the leader and woman being the follower ).

B) Strive always to be perfecting yourself for the glory of God, and realize that when God has your partner ready, He will bring them along.

C) Wisely listen to people who speak into your life to make sure you are staying the course and don't be trodden down with peoples claims that you are desperate and crazy because you want to be married. It's a beautiful thing and a Godly thing. Only listen to those who have been beside you through the good and the bad and have continued to give Godly advice.The others take with a grain of salt.

D) If you want to be married, strive to be the best Man/Woman you can be while waiting…Makes coming together so much easier later on!

E) Rest in the Lord and know His ways are ALWAYS higher than our ways!

F) Don't be so prideful ( As I was ) to think you can find the perfect mate on your own…Sometimes God uses friends around us to bring us to the perfect person…

But that^^^is a story for another day ;)

Much Love~

Jess~